Overshare

 

OVERSHARING SAVES LIVES:
 

I inherited a hoarder tendency. I’ve redirected this impulse from objects to digital photographs and text messages. Instead, amassing the fleeting and intangible—it really keeps the clutter down. 

I meticulously document atmosphere and conversations like my mother collects Windstone Fantasy Figurines. She’s all dragons, wizards and winged cats and I’m the light at certain times of day shimmering on the dust in Bunny’s fur*.

My phone has become my studio. In an attempt to hold on to time, slippery and amorphous, I rely on this ever-present and ubiquitous archive. I have an unhealthy attachment to my phone, for months I had recurring dreams of cracking its glass. In the place of teeth, my phone had begun to represent my subconscious fears of bodily decline. 
I do what everyone with a camera phone does, I take pictures with a regularity unmatched by any generation before. Mundane, weird, meaningless, pornographic, stupid, significant, and mindlessly pretty pictures. Plants, cats, clouds, sunsets, friends and not friends anymore (never friends again).

In their vast number, and scope, they begin to form a portrait, an outline of a life. A trace of time.

It was in following them backward that I saw something I hadn’t seen while occupied with living these moments.
I’ve been sick, I’ve been sick for a while. Have I ever not been sick?

I took photos of my illness, harmless days in bed with Netflix. Piles of tissues, captions complaining about “kitten hands” (this is not when your hands are full of kittens, that would be adorable, rather it’s when you find yourself spilling a hot mug of cider over yourself because you could not hold its weight). I saw my mother in her nursing home bed, her skin grey, saline dropped in her eyes, juice through a straw. It’s not the same thing. We aren’t the same, but somehow there was me. My fingers blistered and raw, my tongue swollen, mounds of my hair pulled from the drain.

I don’t dream anymore of the glass cracking, I dream of my hair on the floor.

I manifested these moments into physical objects, made them multiples, when they fade they can be remade. I gave myself something solid and never-ending to hold on to as I slowly dissolve. 

 

Fuck those dragons. They don’t do shit.

___

Photographic project, 2013-Ongoing. Images from public social media above. 

 *RIP Bunny 1999-2017,  annoying roommate, angry velociraptor, best friend.

*RIP Bunny 1999-2017, annoying roommate, angry velociraptor, best friend.